There seemed to be from time to time while at the Bluffs conciderable effort exerted to prove me
out guilty of something, or somewhat, or of some misdemeanour of conduct but after all I could
not find that there was any thing of a tangible nature or at least so much so as to be productive
of any evil whatever but not so with the things which I have to speak of for indeed some of them
were of weighty consequences for who can deny that a persons reputation & character is not
worth more to them than almost anything else of an earthly nature & now I must say
that I did while at the Bluffs recieve slighly treatment from some very respectable sisters
in the church for no other cause than having had an unfavorable account of my person
from those who should have been my friends as it was evident from the particular
attention & kind feelings which they manifested towards me for a time after our first
acquaintance with each other & then becoming so cool, reserved, & distant all at once as
tho they viewed me a different person from they had before & in one or two instances I
had evidences of its being through your instrumentality Phebe that I had this treat-
ment, once in particular you acquainted me with a sister, & before we got to our
Journeys end & she treated me very politely indeed but it was not long before I
saw you conversing with her not far from me & it was evident to ^my^ mind that I was the
topic of your conversation from the fact that you both alternately eyed me with a very curious
sort of look & in the conclusion this sister gave me a look exspressive of great disdain & al-
th'o she would seem in a measure friendly when I saw her yet never appeared as before this
occurance, & it is a fact that there were a number of some of the most respectable sisters from
whom I recieved a similar coldness of treatment after having been made the recipient of some
of the warmest exspressions of friendship from them, & now I wish to say that it is not my man-
ner to complain of any want of attention shown me by respectable persons or any others where I
have had a good acquaintance & no reasons for supposing their minds have been biassed even should I be treated with disrespect in short I am ready in general to put up with that degre
of attention & respect which such persons account me as meriting from them but I can never
feel that the course pursued with me while at the Bluffs in regard to these things [acc] is
according to godliness or agreeable to the ordinary rules of civility Indeed there were various
other things which were calculated in their nature to give one the worst of feelings especially
where there was a consciousness of not having deviated from the strictest rules of civility &
good behaviour in any othf their conduct as I can with safety say was the case with my-
self altho I do not lay claim to perfection in anything, stilI I do profess so much of it as to
be able to avoid any course of conduct which would merit those things to which I allude as
for instance Phebes remarking that she did not love Mother Woodruff & never could & that she did
not care whether she was comfortable or not, (as I was credibly informed by a friend) & in
another instance that, she said, she would give most anything if she could love me but enough
of this it makes my heart sick & tho I might perhaps make use of a similar exspression with as
much propriety yet I will only say that I have ever loved & respected Phebe since our first acquain-
tance & I do feel a confidence that I ever treated her while on our Journey with all that friendship &
good feeling which would be possible for anyone to do, under the same circumstances & I can give
no reason at all why I should not have enjoyed the good feelings & confidence of the more
respectable, as formerly while at the east except it were in those things I have named &
my being a stranger there. But I would like to communicate to you some of my present
feelings in relation to my returning & going on to the Valley as I exspected when I left,
as to my faith it is the same it ever has been & there has been nothing which has seem'd
to block up my way so much in regard to going forward as the fact, if my constitutions
having been so broken down by disease as to compel me to the making use of such article
of medicine daily in order to be in any measure comfortable which is attended with some
conciderable exspense & thinking that you might not feel yourself able to do this or
might not be willing to be at the exspense of the same for which reason I have been
influenced to accept the solicetations of my children thus far in my calculations to
make it home with them, but tho I should be extremely happy to make Azmon
There seemed to be from time to time while at the Bluffs conciderable effort exerted to prove me
out guilty of something, or somewhat, or of some misdemeanour of conduct but after all I could
not find that there was any thing of a tangible nature or at least so much so as to be productive
of any evil whatever but not so with the things which I have to speak of for indeed some of them
were of weighty consequences for who can deny that a persons reputation & character is not
worth more to them than almost anything else of an earthly nature & now I must say
that I did while at the Bluffs recieve slighly treatment from some very respectable sisters
in the church for no other cause than having had an unfavorable account of my person
from those who should have been my friends as it was evident from the particular
attention & kind feelings which they manifested towards me for a time after our first
acquaintance with each other & then becoming so cool, reserved, & distant all at once as
tho they viewed me a different person from they had before & in one or two instances I
had evidences of its being through your instrumentality Phebe that I had this treatment, once in particular you acquainted me with a sister, & before we got to our
Journeys end & she treated me very politely indeed but it was not long before I
saw you conversing with her not far from me & it was evident to my mind that I was the
topic of your conversation from the fact that you both alternately eyed me with a very curious
sort of look & in the conclusion this sister gave me a look exspressive of great disdain & alth'o she would seem in a measure friendly when I saw her yet never appeared as before this
occurance, & it is a fact that there were a number of some of the most respectable sisters from
whom I recieved a similar coldness of treatment after having been made the recipient of some
of the warmest exspressions of friendship from them, & now I wish to say that it is not my manner to complain of any want of attention shown me by respectable persons or any others where I
have had a good acquaintance & no reasons for supposing their minds have been biassed
even should I be treated with disrespect in short I am ready in general to put up with that degre
of attention & respect which such persons account me as meriting from them but I can never
feel that the course pursued with me while at the Bluffs in regard to these things is
according to godliness or agreeable to the ordinary rules of civility Indeed there were various
other things which were calculated in their nature to give one the worst of feelings especially
where there was a consciousness of not having deviated from the strictest rules of civility &
good behaviour in any of their conduct as I can with safety say was the case with myself altho I do not lay claim to perfection in anything, stilI I do profess so much of it as to
be able to avoid any course of conduct which would merit those things to which I allude as
for instance Phebes remarking that she did not love Mother Woodruff & never could & that she did
not care whether she was comfortable or not, (as I was credibly informed by a friend) & in
another instance that, she said, she would give most anything if she could love me but enough
of this it makes my heart sick & tho I might perhaps make use of a similar exspression with as
much propriety yet I will only say that I have ever loved & respected Phebe since our first acquaintance & I do feel a confidence that I ever treated her while on our Journey with all that friendship &
good feeling which would be possible for anyone to do, under the same circumstances & I can give
no reason at all why I should not have enjoyed the good feelings & confidence of the more
respectable, as formerly while at the east except it were in those things I have named &
my being a stranger there. But I would like to communicate to you some of my present
feelings in relation to my returning & going on to the Valley as I exspected when I left,
as to my faith it is the same it ever has been & there has been nothing which has seem'd
to block up my way so much in regard to going forward as the fact, if my constitutions
having been so broken down by disease as to compel me to the making use of such article
of medicine daily in order to be in any measure comfortable which is attended with some
conciderable exspense & thinking that you might not feel yourself able to do this or
might not be willing to be at the exspense of the same for which reason I have been
influenced to accept the solicetations of my children thus far in my calculations to
make it home with them, but tho I should be extremely happy to make Azmon
"Letter from Azubah Hart Woodruff, 20 March 1849," p. 4, The Wilford Woodruff Papers, accessed March 29, 2024, https://wilfordwoodruffpapers.org/p/5WyR